Have you ever noticed that some people seems to be ‘consumers?’ Of course, we all are consumers in one way or the other, but I’m talking here about those people who never seem to notice that there are others around them who have ‘needs.’ For example, have you ever met Mr. Conversationalist? At least he thinks he is a conversationalist but in reality whenever we meet he performs a monologue. He will discourse endlessly on subjects that interest him not noticing the glazed eyes of his listeners. One cannot totally blame him since there are some who encourage his behavior … for example, Mr. Taciturn who, in order to avoid uncomfortable silence, will transmit non-verbal encouragement to Mr. Conversationalist. If the truth were know, probably Mr Taciturn has strong opinions but is either pridefully self-conscious and doesn’t want to be exposed to criticism or feels he/she is intellectually so far above the lowly conversation that his contribution would surely be misunderstood.

If you take this all on face value it is mildly amusing and I am guilty of enjoying watching groups squirm as they listen to Mr. Conversationalist. Being an old man I can claim old-himers disease and just walk away from the situation After all, in order to be friendly shouldn’t we just humor them and just ‘live and let live?’

I’m not suggesting that we hate or avoid these tiring people but shouldn’t we be moved to compassion since they are at a social disadvantage and more importantly, they are in danger of not really hearing what others are trying to say to them! For their own good we ought to teach them to enter into real “conversations.” The Bible talks about listening and hearing …

“Woe to those who are wise in their own eyes, and shrewd in their own sight!”

“A fool takes no pleasure in understanding,
but only in expressing his opinion.”

“It is better for a man to hear the rebuke of the wise than to hear the song of fools.”

“From the fruit of his mouth a man is satisfied with good, and the work of a man’s hand comes back to him. The way of a fool is right in his own eyes,but a wise man listens to advice.”

“He who is often reproved, yet stiffens his neck, will suddenly be broken beyond healing.”

“If you say, “Behold, we did not know this,’does not he who weighs the heart perceive it? Does not he who keeps watch over your soul know it,and will he not repay man according to his work?’”

“It is better for a man to hear the rebuke of the wise than to hear the song of fools.”

Another helpful source of information might surprise you … due to God’s common grace I think Mr Carnegie had some valid tips on improving our conversational skills. You may recognize some of Mr. Carnegie ideas in the heretical teachings of Robert Shuller’s Possiblity Thinking so you should understand that he writes from a humanist perspective. However, with care I think his book, How to Win Friends and Influence People might be a good read for those who are uncomfortable with initiating and sustaining a true conversation. Remember you must critically screen this material through your biblically informed intellect. If you don’t have a biblically informed intellect then you better get one! (Attend a good, sound church that provides teaching and accountability and study hard to show yourself approved!)

By the way, the book title seems to suggest that his tips are all about taking advantage, or manipulating others … but I didn’t get that sense when I read it … for example, he cites the fact that everyone enjoys a complement. Mr Carnegie suggests we complement someone who has no power to return the favor. Like a store clerk … you notice something nice and make a brief complementary comment … ‘I like the way you do your hair’ … or ‘you have such a nice smile.’ What does that cost us? In what way is that manipulative? His book does promise to make the reader ‘successful’ and clearly the author is talking about finantial success … the Christian knows that his/her treasure is in heaven and as Jesus said, “What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, yet forfeit his soul?”

By the way, do you treat store clerks like machines? I have noticed that many people don’t even say hi but just shove the cash (or credit card) toward the clerk. Many store employees return the favor by ‘looking through’ the customer with a totally bored expression … but does that excuse us to treat them in the same manner?

This entry was posted on Thursday, February 5th, 2009 at 8:43 am and is filed under Family, General Interest, Theology. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.